How NOT to have sex with a Cold Caller
Being hyped up on the hoo hah of positive thinking can get you into trouble.
This ‘say yes to everything’ and ‘move outside of your comfort zone’ kind of thinking, well…I’m just not really a fan.
Now before you accuse me of being a Debbie Downer about it all, I’m not saying to never say yes, I’m just saying that I don’t want to end up having sex with an unscrupulous therapist.
Let me explain.
As you know, I’m in the business of helping people move through their sabotages. Challenging their limiting beliefs. Overcoming their fears. Releasing the habitual behaviour that doesn’t serve them. This undoubtedly involves ‘saying yes’ to things outside your comfort zone. Sometimes it’s necessary. But one day I learned a very important lesson about taking the ‘happy gas’ of ‘saying yes to everything.’
I was doing a session for myself, working on a self-sabotage that had me fearful to ‘step out’ and be ‘courageous.’ I decided, in my self-help-hyped-up wisdom, that the perfect remedy for fear was to ‘be more open’ to everything. To ‘say yes’ to things I’d normally shy away from.
A quick side note: I’m a big believer that the Universe is your teacher. Once you’ve cleared an energy block, it will inevitably be followed by a ‘challenge’ from the Universe, providing you the opportunity to embed the learning, tweak the process or manifest the results of your breakthrough.
I remember skipping out of the session feeling giddy with the excitement of letting myself out of my self-imposed cage.
I checked my phone. A missed call. A message from a new client enquiring about a session. Great! Already something new coming into my sphere following my ‘opening up to the Universe’ session.
Fueled with the heady buzz of all the wild opportunities my ‘yes, yes, yes’ outlook was going to provide, I called them back straight away.
It was a friendly gentleman making the usual enquiries about Kinesiology, the length, location, and cost of the session. I happily engaged, answering all his questions with the ease and breeziness of someone well and truly in ‘Yes’ mode. Yee hah!
As we came to the business end of the call to schedule an appointment, he casually mentioned that he too was a therapist, and asked if I’d be open to a ‘trade.’
Naturally, I said… ‘YES!’
Did you notice that I said ‘yes’ prior to finding out what type of therapy he practiced?
I think you can see where this is going.
Following the rush of excitement of my first opportunity to ‘be open’ and ‘say yes’, I enthusiastically asked about the therapy he could provide me.
“I do Lomi Lomi massage” he replied.
Sweet, I thought.
“I’m also a breathwork practitioner.”
Love to try that, I thought.
“…and I’m a Tantric Sex Healer.”
Pardon?
Record-scratching moment. All my new-found ‘yes’ energy began to slip away as fast as the blood was draining from my face.
I gulped, before replying meekly, “…well, I’d love to try the breathwork…”
“I’m afraid I don’t do them separately; the session requires all three modalities.” He said firmly.
I gulped again. My mind began to flood with all manner of rationalisations: “what have you just learned today? You must be ‘open’; you can’t write anything off; you must challenge yourself; be courageous; do the thing you wouldn’t normally do; you have to say ‘yes’…”
But as my mind rushed forth with reasons to ‘say yes,’ a knot began to form in my stomach. It was screaming “NO!”
The battle commenced. Mind insisting on a ‘Yes’. Body shouting ‘No.’ What to do?
I decided to buy some time by asking more questions until this inner war could resolve itself.
I can’t even remember what I asked. It all became a blur; I just remember snippets of sentences breaking through the loud pounding of blood in my ears:
“…yes, you’ll have to be naked…”
“…but you’ll have a privacy cloth…”
“…some people ask why I have to be naked too…”
“…some women choose not to tell their husbands, it’s up to you…”
“…you’ll probably orgasm, it’s totally normal…”
Pretty soon the vomit that I felt rising up my esophagus signalled that my stomach, the body, had WON THE WAR.
While my happy-clappy-life-coach of a mind was intent on saying ‘yes to life’, my body, the seat of my true wisdom and the protector of my boundaries, was saying ‘NO.’
It was a close shave. And this has nothing to do with the validity of Tantric Sex Healing as a modality. I have no beef with that. It was a question of the pressure I felt to say yes without really assessing whether this was the right thing for me…and whether my whole body agreed.
My point is this:
It doesn’t matter what the opportunity is, is it right for you?
And when you decide whether it is right for you, which part of you is deciding? Is ALL of you deciding? Or has one part ‘gone rogue’?
To this day I’m still a little shocked at how easily your mind filled with impressions from external authorities and hyped up with notions of what you ‘should do’ for your growth and development, can suppress your body’s intuitive survival impulses of what is safe, appropriate, and healthy for you.
This is the danger of buying any self-help philosophy wholesale purely from the mind. The mind loves to make assumptions, jump to conclusions and screen out important details.
In short, the mind can do a shoddy job at DISCERNMENT if it is not connected and integrated with your gut instincts and your higher wisdom.
Let’s not forget that when it comes to your physical survival, it’s your body that’s in charge. And so, before you rush forth saying yes to all and sundry, remember that saying no based on your body’s warnings is not negative, nor is it cowardly, or self-sabotaging. And it certainly doesn't mean that you're lacking courage. The wisdom of your body's 'no' is most likely saving you from some situations that range from the unsavoury to the downright dangerous.
ADDENDUM:
For those of you who might be interested, I did tell my husband about this phone conversation at the dinner table that night. To be honest, I felt a little vulnerable, worried my he would judge me for being so foolish and gullible. As I finished explaining the conversation in animated detail, he said nothing.
A wave of anxiety arose. “Well? What do you think?”
He quietly finished chewing his mouthful of chicken schnitzel before carefully placing his knife and fork on the sides of his plate.
“Well, I think kudos to him” he said.
“Huh? Are you serious?!” I squawked.
“It’s not really the thing you’d usually cold call about, so good on him for giving it a crack.”
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