PROBLEMS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE CAN SOLVE: #1. PROCRASTINATION
Is the Pressure to Be Positive Causing your Procrastination Problem?
BEING CONNECTED TO YOUR PURPOSE, NOT YOUR POSITIVITY, IS THE KEY TO PROGRESS
Real life rarely looks like the perfectly filtered, curated, and manicured collection of ‘living-life-to-the-fullest’ moments showcased on an Instagram reel.
You know this. I know this. We all know this.
But do we really know this?
Lately it’s come to my attention that I’m harbouring some very dangerous thoughts.
Things like…
“I can’t do this (insert activity here) now because it’s a bad hair day.”
“I’m just feeling too bloated to even think about (insert chore here).”
“I have to wait until Mercury is out of Retrograde before I can start (insert project here).”
While I consciously keep thinking that I don’t expect myself or my life to be perfect, at the same time it appears that I’m subconsciously maintaining a hefty list of conditions that must be met before I can achieve any sort of productivity or progress.
Procrastination.
It’s a hot topic. In client sessions it’s always trending.
It’s a familiar friend and a faithful companion to anyone who sets out to achieve a goal. Annoyingly it hangs around messing up your plans and pleasure, much like the character of Roger in most episodes of Outlander.
After years of helping clients to overcome this ‘problem’ of procrastination, what can I say? It’s a slippery little sucker.
Slippery because it seems to have immunity against all common-sense practical and ever-increasingly snazzy strategies to overcome it. And a sucker because it sucks the life out of you and the realisation of your dreams.
Putting off doing things that you want to do is a peculiar thing. If ‘not doing it’ is the problem, then surely ‘doing it’ is the solution. Simple. But the inability to apply this simple logic often makes you feel like a fool, leading you to make all sorts of nasty assumptions such as: I’m lazy. I’m undisciplined. I’m hopeless. I’m self-sabotaging. I have no willpower. I’ll never achieve what I want to. I don’t deserve it.
Ouch.
But there’s generally a good reason you’re procrastinating. And it’s not because you ‘lack discipline’ or even that you’re sabotaging yourself.
In my humble opinion procrastination arises due to a need to escape the pressure you’ve put on yourself to complete the task. Pressure that has come about due to the conditions you’re placing on yourself (or the task).
You’ve decided that you must meet certain conditions – whether it be good hair, a positive attitude, or an energised state – before you can take action. Have you ever started a project only to start mentally piling on the requirements that you must meet before you can progress? To the point you end up overwhelming yourself so much you can no longer start the project?
You build it up so much, you end up burying yourself.
Waiting for the ‘planets to align’ or the ‘ducks to line up’ is a valid approach, but when you continue to doggedly insist on these conditions, making them a requirement for any sort of progress, the pressure mounts, ultimately becoming a sneaky loophole for procrastinatory avoidance.
In the book The Antidote: Happiness for people who can’t stand positive thinking, Oliver Burkeman explains that when it comes to procrastination most motivational tips and tricks don’t work because “they aren’t really about ‘how to get things done’ at all. They’re about how to feel in the mood for getting things done.” He goes on to sum up one of the most common (and often hidden) conditions attached to our approach to getting things done – our emotional state:
The most common response to procrastination is indeed to ‘try and get the right emotion’: to try and motivate yourself to feel like getting on with the job.
The problem is that feeling like acting and actually acting are two different things. A person mired deep in procrastination might claim he is unable to work, but what he really means is that he is unable to make himself feel like working.
I’ve made this mistake many times. So often I find that I am attached to feeling a certain way before I can act (note: I am still waiting to be in the right mood to look at my superannuation policy) and it seems that I’m particularly attached to feeling positive. I somehow must ‘feel good’ in order to ‘manifest’ my desires. No doubt this condition is a result of over-eating at the New Age ‘Law of Attraction’ buffet.
One of my personal heroines, Barbara Sher, dispelled this myth and helped to free me from my procrastination prison when she declared:
Somewhere along the line our culture has sold us the absurd idea that we’ve got to have a positive attitude to succeed. We’re afraid to be negative because we think it means we won’t do anything…trying to force a positive attitude is the surest way in the world not to get something done.
Releasing the hidden conditions you have about needing to feel fresh, clear, pumped, or energised in order to get things done can be a gateway to freedom and productivity. You’re free to feel however you feel as you get on with your life – what a revelation! And we’re not talking about trying to force yourself to ‘whistle while you work,’ we’re talking about honouring your real, honest emotions and co-existing with them as you make progress. It also means simply allowing for the shit fights and tantrums that inevitably arise purely because you’re human.
The first thing that comes up for clients whenever I suggest ‘tantrum therapy’ is the fear that it will become a ‘free-for-all.’ And this is the very reason we repress emotions in the first place – particularly when we’re ‘trying’ to focus or be productive. The fear that we’ll open an emotional can-of-worms that will overwhelm and ultimately derail us is legitimate. This is how I discovered that this ‘emotional acceptance’ approach needs another key ingredient in order to be effective.
Your purpose.
When you connect to your purpose and maintain awareness of it, it becomes the central driving force of your life. And when it is at the centre of your life, you gain clarity about your priorities and the ability to discern how to deal with the pressure and resistance causing your procrastination.
For example:
If the task is not related to or needed for your purpose – you stop resistance simply by choosing not to do the task.
If the task is relevant to your purpose – you choose to do the task unconditionally.
If the task is not relevant to your purpose but someone in your care could die or be permanently left at a bus stop if you don’t do it – you choose to do the task unconditionally.
When you know a task is part of your purpose, then you know you need to release the conditions. Whether you feel like doing it or not, whether you feel confused and doubtful or not, whether you feel positive and pumped or not, whether you feel confident or not – you can permit yourself to proceed. Because you know, deep within your heart that your efforts are contributing to something that matters to you. You may or may not feel a total sense of fulfilment in doing that particular task at that particular moment, but you’re prepared to invest your energy in it because you ultimately trust that you’re fulfilling your purpose.
For example, does book-keeping thrill me? No. But I do it because it is a part of me living my purpose. Do I ever feel like doing it? Nope, not really. Could I outsource it? Sure. Could I learn to love it? Sure. Could I do it by promising myself an episode of Outlander upon completion? Absolutely. The important thing is that I’m just getting on with it. It’s part of the process, it has context, I can see how it fits into the bigger picture. I’m so committed to my purpose that whether or not I enjoy book-keeping becomes irrelevant.
Staying connected to your purpose will also help you manage your emotional energy better. Your emotional releases have a purpose too, they are in service to something. The tantrum becomes a helpful way of releasing pressure instead of a destructive distraction and anxiety becomes a mild case of ‘stage fright’ as you challenge a comfort zone.
Staying ‘on purpose’ is a different and more freeing version of goal setting. This is because your objective is never really tied to a particular outcome, but rather to the process and practice of returning to your centre. When you come back to your centre, you can tap into the flow. And the flow always knows where to go! And it willingly transports you. Yes, action is needed. Hard work might also be needed. A few tantrums too. But it’s an unconditional path. A path that offers you the freedom to be yourself rather than the pressure to be someone else. Your purpose is not a slavedriver, dictator or bootcamp instructor. It won’t pressure you into productivity and it won’t enforce crazy conditions. It will, however, offer you a sense of connection and centredness that guides and encourages you to act, whether you feel good or not. And strangely, that always end up feeling pretty good.
The PATH OF PURPOSE: 5 WEEK JOURNEY OF SELF-TRANSFORMATION will help you connect to your Life Purpose and learn how to walk your path in a series of life-changing Kinesiology-guided virtual workshops. Doors open 18th September. CHECK IT OUT & GET ON THE WAITLIST HERE
