How are you travelling?
I mean, really.
How are you travelling? How are you feeling about yourself? your life? your current situation? the state of the world? your future?
I don't mean, how you think you should be feeling, but how do you truly feel?
One day when I was in 'rehab' (I just cannot say that word without breaking out into Amy Winehouse, can you?) one of the Occupational Health Therapists gave me a lecture. It was random and unpredicted but ultimately life-changing. It went something like this:
"Here's a word of advice for you. I can see that you're a very positive person and this is a great thing..."
I could feel the "but" coming on and I was a little bewildered. What could possibly be the "but" that follows a compliment about your positive thinking?
"Whenever I ask how you are, you tell me about how much better you're doing and about the improvements you've made."
Huh? This was getting confusing. This undercurrent of negativity towards my positivity was quite unsettling.
"And the thing is. You don't have to. You don't always have to make the state of your health and progress into a positive story. For us to help you, you need to just tell us the facts. What is your energy level, out of 10? What is it that you can do - functionally? What is it that you cannot do - functionally? Without just stating what you can and cannot do, we can't effectively support you."
Wowsers. Sticking to the facts! My family's motto was "Never spoil a good story with the facts." Could I speak to someone about my health without the emotional embellishment? Without the positive spin? It seemed impossible.
But I learned three very useful things:
1) In my rush to be positive and hopeful about my progress, I was sometimes lying to myself (and others).
2) Lying, even with the admirable intention of being positive and encouraging, wasn't necessarily helpful. While I thought an uplifting or positive outlook was keeping me bouyant, it was actually keeping me stuck. Because it wasn't always allowing for an accurate indication of where I was at.
3) I was shit-scared of being 'stuck' and feeling powerless to change. I thought that being positive was where the 'power to change' was. I was wrong.
Can you relate to this?
Are you quick to 'see the silver lining' or move into 'action mode' when you've suffered a setback? Do you feel that you'll fall into a black hole if you admit to your negative feelings? And that you'll get stuck there? Do you believe you have to remain positive in order to change your circumstances?
Surprisingly, being told that I no longer needed to be positive was such a relief. I'm talking a "well thank god that positive charade is over" kind of relief. Allowing the stinky stale feelings was a breath of fresh air! Who would've thought?
I also realised where my love-hate relationship with positive affirmations had come from. I was curious as to why they sometimes seemed to be uplifting and helpful and at other times they just gave me the shits.
When you feel pressure to 'pick a side' and be positive you're effectively skimming over the truth of your feelings. You're ruling out or dismissing your actual feelings and deciding what you should feel. And you generally decide what you should feel based on what you think will help you get ahead. What will help you move forward or get the results you want. What will help you to feel powerful and enable change.
But, this kind of denial will always come back to bite you. The unprocessed emotions will sit in your system like the dregs of a wine bottle, ultimately preventing the enjoyment of fresh new energy flowing in. Or they'll just keep you stagnating all together.
When it comes to letting go of positivity, you might feel fearful of becoming apathetic or miserable. I remember thinking that my Caseworker’s comments meant that I wasn’t allowed to be positive, but this is not the point. You only ever need to let go of your attachment to positivity. Of making positivity a condition you must meet to progress, to heal, to succeed.
What I’ve found useful is learning to meet all emotions with an open mind. What does each emotion have to teach you? What is each one guiding you towards? What does each one need from you?
When you get past the initial “Nothing! This insanely frustrating frustration has nothing to teach me!” portion of the program and learn to sit with your emotion like you’re having a cup of tea with a friend, you can generally find out some awesome stuff. And from there, you can learn to respond constructively to your own needs and feelings. How very grown up!
Welcome to Pisces Season!
In this month's edition of Cosmic Self-Care, you're prompted to remember that your power lies in owning your emotional depths. You're being asked to dive into the intensities of your emotions (instead of escaping them) so that you can transcend your pain, broaden your perspective and ultimately expand your consciousness.
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